The guys here are different to say the least. I ventured out to Perimeter Mall the other day and counted at least 10 homosexuals in the 30 minutes that I was there. I couldn't stay long because my gaydar was about to shut down from information overload. Thank God my spidey senses actually work now because Lord knows I've been wrong before. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not homophobic at all. I actually enjoy a little gay energy every now and then. Their compliments make you feel like a billion bucks. A "Yaaassss Honey" from a gay man is a certified seal of approval! Although they are good for self esteem and entertainment purposes, they can not give me the male attention that my body is currently yearning for.
Lately, I've been experimenting with Tinder which to me is the world's most shallow matchmaking app. It's a platform for boredom and thirst in my opinion. It connects its users' Facebook profiles and allows the interested parties to send each other messages. The messaging section is filled with non witty comments and pleas to exchange phone numbers. Needless to say I'm extremely unimpressed with my matches (or Tinderonis as my friends and I like to call them). Judy is not a fan of social dating apps so she's been doing her due diligence to introduce me to some of the guys in her crew. The problem here is that most of these dudes have already smashed her homies. I know that Judy's friends are not necessarily my friends but I don't want to bump va jays jays with any female that will eventually be a part of my kick it circle. That's extremely messy and I don't need that type of drama in my life. So with Tinder and these introductions being an epic fail, I have nothing left to do but fantasize about my faux boo.
Usher and I used to have a standing appointment every Tuesday. It's been exactly a month since the last time I mounted his Black Beauty and the withdrawal symptoms are definitely starting to kick it. Oh how I've missed our weekly Turned Up Tuesday sessions. In preparation for our encounters I had to do a lot of stretching. That man use to fold me up like origami pieces and I loved every minute of it. I also made sure to eat fruit and drink plenty of water so that I would be deliciously moist for out upcoming appointment. I thoroughly enjoyed satisfying his sweet tooth with my tasty chocolate cake. Hmm maybe living in the Midwest wasn't so bad. Maybe I should have stuck it out, at least until cuffing season was over. Here I go doubting myself again. My lack of physical satisfaction has me all in my feelings. Hopefully I'll meet someone with potential soon. If not, I'll be on the first flight back to enjoy my own personal Usher concert!
The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs- D.H. Lawrence
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