Squares in their Circle

After being in ATL for almost a week my accomplishments include taking selfies, sipping wine, avoiding the walk of shame and successfully slipping away from a lesbian's grasp. At this very moment I'm feeling like a certified bum. Now granted I'm the flyest bum you'll ever meet, but still a bum nonetheless. I spend my days trying to fill these void instead of filling out applications. One of the main reasons why I'm having a hard time searching for employment opportunities is because I don't really know what I want to be when I grow up. Sadly, that lie that just left my lips will become my reality if I continue to embrace it. I know exactly what I want to do but don't believe in myself enough to do it. A while back I tried to start my own accessory line.  After being scammed by the distributor and constantly struggling to find a reliable supplier, I've lost hope. They say the dream is free but the hustle is sold separately. Unfortunately, I don't have enough coins or confidence to purchase the hustle right now. I wonder if life has a layaway plan...

Instead of trying to keep my dreams alive, I've been trying to keep up with the Joneses and fit into the cookie cutter image that this city has suggested. Atlanta, better known as Black Hollywood, appears to suffer from identity deprivation. The majority of women seem to look alike and I definitely don't fit in. I awake daily to apply a full face of make up and curl my hair to perfection. However, no matter how snatched I think I am, I still feel like my weave will never be long enough nor my booty plump enough to be able to receive their stamp of approval.

To avoid the disappointment of not fulfilling my dreams and the standards of their society, I drown my sorrows in bottles of sweet wine as well as Michael's sweet saliva. I really wish Usher was here to pound this pain away but getting lost in Michael's kisses shall have to suffice for now. I've been trying to avoid getting physical with him though because he's Judy's best friend and my homegirls keep telling me it's a conflict of interest. They may be right, especially if their friend zone is set up the way Stefan's and mine is. Besides, he'd just be another obstacle distracting me from my ultimate goals. I'm doing just fine getting in my own way and I don't need anyone's help to further complicate the situation. So until I can stir up enough strength to chase after my dream, I will continue masking this empty feeling with mascara and Moscato.


“Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?” ― Ian Wallace